So I’m in an evolutionary period within my life right now. A lot has happened recently that has just made me stop and reflect: Dr. Greene’s death, a classmate from high school taking his own life, close mentors/friends moving away, and just revelations of the fallen human nature around me. I think I’ve decided within my own callous heart that I want people to know what they mean to me. I’m not exactly sure how to express such things. I’m verbally inarticulate and find that I struggle with putting my emotions into words. Maybe that has something to do with being a fallen and broken man living in the midst of a world full of fallen and broken people. I know though that it would be a crying shame to not let people know how they move me. How they encourage me to deeper desire for Jesus and just to be a better image bearer.
There’s definitely an internal war though. From one perspective, I want this. I want people to know me and I desire to know them. However, once that happens, there is no going back. It is a leap off an emotional and spiritual cliff per se. Am I tenacious enough to enter into the hearts of others? Can I really love people like I should and will they really love me once they see who I really am? The calling of love is to enter into people’s pain and also invite them into yours’. Am I ready for such a valiant but necessary calling? Am I ready for what intimate and loving friendships offer and demand? Love exposes and asks very hard questions. Love invites, but also challenges. I recognize that I cannot grow in love without having someone hold a mirror up to my life and reveal the faults I possess. Not just the faults but also the positive attributes God has wrought within my own life (Most people are more willing to face their failures over their beauty). What a tremendously frightening yet joyous thought and desire! Frederick Buechner eloquently stated “Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. To see reality–not as we expect it to be but as it is–is to see that unless we live for each other and in and through each other, we do not really live very satisfactorily; that there can really be life only where there really is, in just this sense, love.”
I’m just ready to love and to let people know what they mean to me. Every moment with every person is an opportunity to move him or her to eternal beauty or everlasting horror. Every day and every moment in this life matters. Again, Frederick Buechner said it best: “In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another day just like today, and there will never be another just like it again. Today is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. It is the point from which all your tomorrows will …proceed until the hour of your death. If you were aware of how precious today is, you could hardly live through it. Unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all.” I want to really live…really love…really know people…really be known. God, give me the grace to do this. Help me become what you want for me. Help me to live, to love, to know, and to honestly be known.