Ok, ill admit it. I’m a crappy fundamentalist. I don’t jump on the bandwagon going 90 miles an hour playing Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird” and the live version of “Amazing Grace” (you know…the one with a 15 minute guitar solo). I one time suggested having wine instead of grape juice with the Lord’s Table (don’t you dare call it the Eucharist!) and almost got excommunicated…by a Baptist! I decided to compile a list of things to say in the midst of your fundamentalist friends or pastor. It will put the “fun” back in the fundamentalist party.
- Jerry Falwell? Is that the new pope?
- Boy, that woman preacher was good!
- Getting drunk is a sin…not drinking per se.
- Obama is a decent president.
- We run this country based on the Constitution…not the Bible.
- No, I don’t want to ask Jesus into my heart.
- Ronald Reagan wasn’t a minor prophet. Neither is Bill O’Reilly. Also, Fox News is not the Newest Testament.
- Maybe an altar call wont seal the deal this time.
- Billy Graham was just an alright preacher…nothing special.
- Evolution is not sooo bad.
- America is not a Christian nation.
- CNN is an informative news station.
- Harry Potter isn’t sorcery anymore than Lord of the Ring or the Chronicles of Narnia.
- Marriage is between Adam and Steve…wait…I meant to say Eve.
- Holding hands doesn’t lead to premarital sex.
- Liberals are made in the image of God too.
- Maybe…we shouldn’t interpret that verse so literally. Was that the author’s original intent?
- Gambling is a sin? C’mon…the Apostles cast lots…
- Ok…I’m going to Hell just because we don’t agree on that subject?
- C’mon…I know many Christ-loving Catholics.
- The TellyTubbies were not gay…just happy.
- Quit being so judgmental or you’ll get left behind with all the Muslims, Atheists, Liberals, and Obama.
P.S. Here’s a quote that made my day…this is how to reach the lost. Use this line in the future.
“If you’re not a born-again Christian, you’re a failure as a human being.”